On How I am a Jaded, 35 Year-Old Skateboarder at the Age of 19

       As of late, I have noticed that I am becoming a grumpy old man on the subject of skateboarding before I've broken out of my glorious teenage years. I know that the core-kids who write on the Slap message boards would tell me to suck it up and that the Phelpers out there would tell me that if I don't like it, I was never meant to skate. To that I say "Balogna", because nothing is going to stop me from taking that push towards the bodega.

       However, I will say that kids these days have it easy, and of my older friends that I skate with in JC (the average age of the Jersey City Shredders is about 28), myself and Big-E (who is also 19) have it the easiest from them. The older dudes used to watch legends huck off of launch ramps, whereas Big-E and myself grew up glued to the Yeah Rights and This is Skateboardings of our generation. Now, kids who are 12 years old and younger have videos like Mind Field and Fully Flared and they think, "OK, I guess this flip-in, flip-out ledge trick is normal," even if they never learned neither the flip-in, the slide, nor the flip-out. This mentality, coupled with the huge amount of local training-facility spots, (the hockey rink's huge array of ramps, barriers, flatbars, and ledges, or Hamilton Park's quarter-pipe/bank set up, or the Mini Ramp at 660 Grand, all of which were constructed at the hands of my older comrades), serves as the recipe for the young atypical JC skater. They remind me more of those African baby soldiers you've heard about than anything I am used to associating with skateboarding. I look at them scratching my head while trying to perfect my two wheeled powerslides, recognizing that I am almost certain I am past my prime and these kids will surpass my level in two years (tops).

       As the infantile generation of younger skateboarders begins to emerge it's head from the womb of Mrs. Animal Chin, I have noticed three nasty characteristics of the new breed, sort of like the placenta that encompasses any new-born creature. Here I am leaving out the little things like terrible park-etiquete and a fiery thirst for beaming, although, that is all there as well. Firstly, I feel there is a stronger desire for the young ones to "get somewhere" in skateboarding, whatever that means. It might mean getting their own MTV show, or a signature shoe deal with DC at age 18, but the number of VX1000s that have appeared to film lines on shin-high man-made boxes and flatground in the past four years is staggering, as is the number of boards that get thrown when a twelve year-old child doesn't land their nollie-frontside flips. Relax, kids. I am certain I will never land that trick anyways, and if I can ever even land primo and collapse like that dude in Hostile, I can do it thinking, "Damn, I was kind of close."

       The next feature of the younger skate-rats is that none of them really knows anything about where skateboarding has been, only where it's going. I know that whenever I have the ability to get my hands on an old Santa Cruz, Powell-Peralta, or Plan B videos, or any old films of people skating from the 80's (Gleaming the Cube, Thrashin', or Go For It! are perfect examples) just to give me more insight on skateboarding's past I will do so. This also includes documentaries or coffee-table books. Kids now-a-days seem to not really care about what skateboarding was, only about what's going on now. I'll give you a perfect example:

       The shop near me had a copy of Yeah Right! on the DVD playing. It was Keenan Milton's in memorium part, and one of the young rats I encounter everday asked why the footage was so old, and who that guy on the screen was. My friend Big-E was pretty upset and snapped (rightfully so), "Come on! That's Keenan Milton! He was an amazing skater who rode for Chocolate in the 90's. Mouse? The Chocolate Tour? Anyway, he was amazing and he died," but by this point the kid had already lost interest. Sadly, the skateshop owner at that point (who has also only been skating for three years) asked in disbelief, "Wait...Keenan Milton is dead?" Sometimes skateboarding is sad.

       Which brings me to the third characteristic of kids these days: what little they know about the people and things that have made skateboarding as incredible and wonderful as it is, they make up for and to their credit, excel in, keeping completely up to date on what is cool and what is not. The kids I see on a daily basis are worrying more about whether their flannels match their halfcabs and if their pants are the precise semi-baggy yet semi-slim combination than having fun. They know the exact color and position a condom-beanie should be worn in, and when going beanie-less, how their hair should be worn. I have noticed that most kids are concentrating harder on their pre-kickflip arm cross ("Is this right?") more than rolling away from the kickflip itself. If you still don't believe me, take a look at any one of the Popson clones at Tompkins. It's not that I am jealous that these kids know what is cool and I don't. I know they are only soaking in what is around them, and that is the worst part. As the older asshole fashion police dudes heckle people who are just riding a skateboard, little kids have no choice but to do think that this is the norm, and then you have a never-ending cycle of fuck-heads.

       You could make the argument that I am just as bad, and that I am letting the skate babies get in the way of me having a good time. But when I see a kid throw his board, I can't help but think, "In a few years, this one is going to be part of the top of that grim totem pole that is elitist, Metropolitan skateboarding."