On Why French People Make Such Good Punks
NOTE: The following is based on sweeping generalizations and offensive stereotypes. Just remember it's just a joke.

       Jeebus! It is cold out. Days like these make me wonder if Bush and this dude on the right were correct to say that Global Warming may not exist. (Oh man. He is so tight). This cold has me locked indoors right now, knowing that I am going to restart one of these bad boys, which usually last 11 months out of the year from tripping over and over. It's true! I fall a lot (to Laserwolf: don't worry about it, I'm ambidextrous.)
       As I sit in my sheltered apartment in beautiful downtown JC, (sorry, Jersey Dave, this is the fourth photo that comes up when searching "Jersey Trash" on Google), I am listening to my iTunes. I'm going through my "dead" phase, listening to the Dead Boys, the Dead Kennedy's, and the completely underrated Dead Milkmen. It is no secret that I am a fan of punk. Well, not so much these dudes (sorry, Travis) but the older guys like these dudes. I've been thinking it over and I've decided that, while punk definitely had its trace origins in Detroit and New York City, and eventually spread to England and developed there, there is only one place that really does punk justice and follows the attitudes of being punk totally accurately today. Of course, I am talking about the French, and I base this opinion on my observations regarding their bathing habits (or lack there of) and their unparalleled ability to hate.
       French people are filthy and they smell. It's not a joke. Have you ever sat next to a French couple on a subway train? Chances are you'd rather seek refuge under the coat of the homeless guy in the next car over. The odor emanating from French people is enough to turn stomachs, and it should be noted that this opinion comes from someone living in NEW JERSEY for fuck's sake. This is the reason why this unbelievably stereotypical cartoon character came into existence (also because they are really oversexed, which is again, punk.) However, as we all know, stereotypes exist because they are true. Being dirty is definitely part of being punk. Why do you think those rich St. Marks kids (biggest phonies ever, I should add,) choose not to shower? They think they are being cool. The odor is just one of the many ways to be as offensive as possible. It's about a lack of sympathy, and the French do not give a fuck.
       Along with not giving a fuck, the French love to hate. We all know how they feel about Americans, but it must be the case that they hate each other too. After all, how many people of your own country do you hate? Some of you reading this will be unable to fathom this number just because you hate SO many people and things. That's OK, you are among hateful friends, but seriously, the French outdo you so hard. French hate so hard and hurt feelings so much that we had to rename a fucking food because of them. Hating things is definitely punk, and the French are ruling it.

       Dangerous Dave